Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I love Jamaica, but...

As many of you have read in my tweets tonight, I attended a comedy show thing. Little did I know the mortification I experienced...
I thought I was going to have a lovely dinner with my friends, and the masterminds behind the Mojo 6 Tournament, Ed Moses and Joy Stephenson, after my 90 min massage, then see a show. Turns out that my massage took longer than their workouts and then they went down to grab a bite without me. Which is totally fine, as I would be just as happy to get some room service or grab some dinner without them. I have no qualms with eating on my own. As a solitary creature due to my occupation, as well as my own mindworks, I keep myself entertained thoroughly. I caught up with them at the restaurant and we had a quick bite, then meandered through the resort to grab the show. We ended up at the next hotel and sat down to see what they were showing. I can't recall why, but we did it. We sit down, the locals loved me, they called Ed Curly Locks, what with his huge head of curly hair.
Slowly the show starts, and I am laughing at the people onstage. It is a comedy show, and they were dancing, singing, and whatnot. It was great. Until the host asked for four ladies to join him on stage. I slid lower into my seat, and since it was dark, I figured no one would see me. I look immediately to my right, and Curly Locks is standing up, pointing a finger at me and hollering. What happens? They pick me. I get forced up the stage, andsit down next to a woman from Wisconsin, a French-Canadian, and a woman from Ottawa. I'm not pleased with Ed at this point.
As you can see, I am unnerved. My friend from Wisconsin and I are shaking our heads, thinking what are we getting into...?! Little did we know... We were forced to sing (my rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star did not wow the crowd. The fact that I'm fighting a cold provided me with little sympathy.), do a "sexy walk" ( I was the queen, if I am not mistaken...) and act. Sometime after the "sexy walk" the host started calling me Jackie Chan's sister, then Jet Li's sister, then said something about me being Chinese, and I damned near walked off the stage. Of course, Ed was sitting in the front row, with a $h!t-eating grin on his Curly Locked mug. Not to mention the fact that he rummaged into my purse and took out my underwater Olympus camera and was taking video and photos left and right. What friends I have...
The host was at times funny, at times a rightful ass, but in the end he said it was all fun. RIGHT. I don't use derogatory terms while I am on stage, pointing out someone's differences, because we are all the same sack of sinew and blood and organs in the end. He was a bit of a jerk, but whatever, I have dealt with worse, and I pity him for having to make fun of another's people to crack jokes. I mean, make fun of your own, or something. Just do NOT tread on me.
In the end I was a good sport, and every one of the four contestants got a bottle of Appledom Rum. Now I have to contemplate the thought of smashing this over Curly Lock's head when I see him tomorrow, or bringing it home as a souvenir. I am leaning towards the latter, I don't want to ruin a good bottle of rum, whether it's a good bottle of rum or not. It'd take us weeks to get all that rum out of Curly Lock's coat.
I have included here the video of our "sexy walk." We had a lovely assistant who was there to provide us with a template to work on, and she could sing, dance, act, AND do a sexy walk! I wish I knew what I was getting into, I would not have shown up in flipflops!!!! Anyway, the crowd voted for us, and guess who won... Wasn't me in the end... I think my violent reaction toward the host docked me a few thousand points... ENJOY!!! My walk starts at like the 3:05min mark or something... Mortification... Curly Locks is gonna get it... Rrrrr..


  1. HAHA !!!! NICE ! ur the best ! totally crazy !!!


  2. You, my friend, are a VERY good sport! Loved that sexy walk...but isn't funny how certain things can "mortify" us, and yet, you are in the public spotlight all the time :) I think I would die if I had to do that! Love reading your blogs...you are a great writer, and very articulate. If you ever need reading material, my blog about my niece with Down Syndrome is 3hambloggers.blogspot.com Jamaica looked beautiful, btw! take care
    kpongoy (Kristen Ongoy)

  3. That was hilarious! Where did you learn those moves,huh?


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